Thursday, 18 September 2014

Throwback Thursday - I Miss You

Before I do today's Blogtember, I want to do a Throwback thursday which is dedicated to a very good friend of mine. You know how I have been reading my previous posts on Tumblr a few days ago, I've seen lots of pictures which I already forgot about. I quickly downloaded them because I knew I have no copies of them anymore. One picture that's included was the day that Patrick and I met. That was meant to be the topic of this week's throwback but that's got to wait until next week. This one is really special.

You see, when I was still at uni, I met a lot of people. Those who I called "friends" then aren't even talking to me anymore. Things change and I know I did too. There came a time when I was just not feeling the outside world, my emotions are all over the place so I tend to lock myself in my room and play computer games. No one understood me except for Vi. I can't even remember how I met her. She was in most of my class during my Pre Vet year. I really liked her as my friend. She's so bubbly and friendly and she just makes us laugh. We even catch the same bus from time to time and talk about things. She's very lively but when something is bothering her, she gets really depressed. I understood her because I tend to experience that from time to time so I always make sure to let her know that I'm always there. I always talk her out of things. She is a really good friend and I don't want her to feel alone. It must not have been enough. She eventually committed suicide. I can't even remember the full details anymore. When I got the message, I couldn't believe it. I was fully heartbroken and I felt like it's partly my fault. You see, the day before that, she was having problems and was really depressed. She texted me asking if she could sleepover. I woke up late that day and I saw her text late but I quickly responded that she could. She told me that everything's okay, that she doesn't need to sleepover anymore. I kept asking her if she really is and I told her that she could definitely stay with me. When I got that text about her, I kept telling myself that it wouldn't have happened if she was with me. I couldn't even go to her funeral. I locked myself and tried to sleep the day. I felt that it was my fault. I know that it isn't but I could have done something to prevent her from doing it. 

It's been exactly two years. There probably wasn't a day that I don't remember her. There are just random things that somehow reminds me of her. I guess she is making me feel guilty because I didn't go to her funeral. I know I know, I should have. I couldn't accept it at that time. I was too heartbroken. I miss her every day but I know she's in a good place now. I know she won't feel alone anymore. 

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